Can we be “too compassionate?”
While I don’t believe we can be “too compassionate,” I do think sometimes imagining being in someone else’s shoes can become “too real.”
For some of us, empathizing with someone becomes so real that we take on another person’s energy, burdens, or even illness. We can even take on a society’s problems, to the point where we imagine they are ours alone to solve. Does this sound even vaguely familiar?
While I focused in the previous post (“Walking in someone else’s shoes”) on cultivating compassion using imagination, you can also IMAGINE clearing and shifting any energy you may have taken on along the way. Here is a technique for finding your own center when others’ struggles have got you down. This simple process calls back your energy, and gives back the energy that isn’t yours.
1. Become centered and allow distractions to fall away. Whether you do this by meditating, simply following your breath, choosing to laugh, or focusing your attention on your heart, the point is to go inward and become more present and still.
2. Notice if you are holding on to someone else’s problem or heartache. For example, if your sister has been calling you a lot with relationship problems, or if you are worried about your son, you may notice that some of their energy is with you in a heavy way. Notice this as it surfaces – without spiraling into it – and then simply acknowledge the presence of their energy.
3. Hold the intention of sending back whatever energy you have gathered from this person. Simply say to yourself, or out loud, something like “I give back all of your energy so you are whole and complete in yourself” (which my friend, Randy Peyser, suggested a few years back. I found these words often work quite well).
4. Now it’s time to bring back energy you have left with this person. Simply say to yourself or out loud, something like “I call back all of my energy so I am whole and complete in myself” (again, Randy’s useful words).
5. Imagine the energy – whatever that may look like to you – being sent back (theirs) and being called back (yours). You can also just “know” that you are clearing your own space, and know that you are helping the other person to clear theirs, even if you don’t “see” or imagine energy.
6. Give yourself some deep breaths, and imagine your life-force energy returning to you, in its purest form. You can even imagine some golden sunshine pouring into you. Allow your breath to return to a natural rhythm, stretch, and go about your day.
Using imagination in this way is as much of a service as being compassionate and empathetic to begin with. The more we practice being empathetic, the more we may need to practice clearing our energy. In my own experience, I have learned that I am more available to others if their energy doesn’t stick to me, and if I don’t leave my energy of concerns or sympathy in their space.
I’m interested in hearing other techniques as well. Please share!
Compassion Fatigue is a common side-effect for healthcare workers whom I serve with my Laughter Yoga Therapy Practice. Jen,I would love to refer the nurses,physicians, social workers and therapists to your article and add it to my list of resources for dealing with Vicarious Trauma.
When we internalize the traumas of others, we run the risk of disabling ourselves with the accumulation of others’ pain and what good is that for anyone? It’s like the old airlines example of putting on your own oxygen mask first before trying to assist others!
I offer Laughter Yoga as a tool for reducing the stress of Vicarious Trauma and Compasssion Fatigue for its immediate positive effects on our neurochemistry and the community connection it serves in the workplace. Your tips for consciously directing our energy and setting healthy boundareis to guard against VT which affects our core being from becoming cynical, hyper-vigilant or most dangereous, guilt-ridden, is a wonderful tool to practice.
More info about Vicarious Trauma can be found on my website’s LY in Medical Settings Page and I would like to add a link to this article too!
Dare to be optimistic! Love it. Carmela
Thanks, Carmela, for your wonderful input and insights.
Yes, my suggestions will hopefully support people before they get to the point of “vicarious trauma.” There seem to be many levels of taking on others’ pain, from subtle to very obvious, and I find when we take the time to pay attention, it’s worth it to find effective ways to clear our space (sooner rather than later, and as often as possible rather than waiting until we have “more time.”)
I’m glad you found the article useful and appreciate you referring others to read it. I encourage everyone to check out your website as well at http://www.carmelacarlyle.com. I so admire the work you do! Smiles, Jen